Hempz Hot Ultra Dark Tan Maximizer Review

The one major enjoyment that comes along with the season of summer is not just swimming, camping, and enjoying smores by the camp fire. For most woman nowadays tanning has become a summer priority.
We want tans before summer becomes official. We want to look smoking hot, we want to be bronzed, and we want the results as fast as possible. Some woman even cheat the winter months by visiting tanning salons regularly.
I'm going to be honest, like getting a base tan when the sun comes out, and after that I will tan minimally. I do not bake for hours. I just take sun in slowly. However when I want a base tan I usually use a tanning lotion with no SPF. I know, bad! However I do not sit for longer than an hour, and I do not, and will not allow myself to sun bathe for more than 3 or 4 times a summer season.
When I get a base tan I usually bring along a tan enhancer. When I came across an interesting Marijuana leaf logo on the bottle of a tanning lotion, I must say I was intrigued.
This company knows what it's doing, it's attracting a younger generation of teens that may be smoking pot, and it also attracts us older adults who remember being teens, and recall fond memories of getting friendly with Mr. Hippie Grass. I smiled at the little leaf staring back and me, and picked up the bottle. HEMPZ. Oh how original. I found myself laughing next. Then, laughing more, then recalling stoned memories, and before I knew it I was heading out of the store with a $40 bottle of Hempz.
When I cam to my senses I realized the pot had once again sucked me in... it must have a tight hold on me, because I just bought an 8 ounce, $40 bottle of lotion because I thought the label was cute! God am I stoned!? This better be some good sh-- haha!
But hey, $40 for 8 ounces... um never mind...
The lotion I so randomly picked up was called Hempz Hot Ultra Dark Tan Maximizer. Okay, so even with the cute pot leaf it still sounded good. Cool man, cool.
The bottle itself is brown of course it clearly reminds me of the color of blunts I once... um never mind...The bottle probably is brown so that way the pot leaf logo can stick out even more. You know, the company wants to make sure all of us pot heads, past, and present notice it.
So I read the bottle, and it claimed that pot, or HEMP, is good for the skin and what not. Blah blah... the lotion also stated that it would leave a red tingly effect after application. Hmm... yeah I know that feeling, it's like the beginning of a buzz.... Gee, how can they be selling this stuff? A buzz for my skin!?
I clicked open the top, and applied my pot lotion all over me. It was white, and absorbed easily. The lotion didn't smell like pot at all. I'm sort of glad though, even when I smoked the greens, I was never fond of the BO like scent.
About 5 minutes later I felt it. SKIN BUZZ! Oh but it wasn't a good skin buzz, my skin felt like it was on fire, being chewed up from the inside out. Fire ants can't even sting this bad. I looked at my body. Red blotches everywhere. I'm burning up...I'm melting...
I quickly ran into the water, but the burn didn't stop. I felt only slightly refreshed, but as my skin dried the burning sensation came back. This was awful. I now looked like a monster. Red splotches all over me. I looked like I broke out in rashes.
A beach goer asked me about the lotion I used, turns out any lotion with a warming tingly sensation will cause you to feel like you are on fire. Then she laughed. I kicked dirt at her though, don't worry.
So much for a base tan. I didn't get any color at all. I did get a burn though, not a sun burn, a pot lotion burn. Basura!- Which is Spanish for GARBAGE! Thats what Hempz Hot Ultra Dark Tan Maximizer is!
OVERALL:
This was a total waste of money. Next time I will pay more attention to the fine print, and not worry about cute logos. It's my own stupidity. Pot smoking was stupid idea when I was a teen, and pot lotion was a stupid idea as an adult. Smoking pot was a better experience, and that made me feel dumb. Wearing it as a tanning enhancer was also a dumb idea, but it hurt hell of a lot more than smoking it ever did.
RECOMMENDATION:
Heck no.
INGREDIENTS:
Contains skin stimulator's to create a redness and extreme warming and tingling sensation on the skin for an enhanced tanning experience. Unipertan P-2002 enhances the tanning process for maximum tanning results. Enriched with pure hemp seed oil and extract for dramatic skin hydration, nourishment and conditioning. Trace minerals help bond moisture to the skin and provide antioxidant properties. Vitamins C and E help neutralize environmentally triggered oxidants and help minimize the look of fine lines and wrinkles. Ordenone helps reduce after-tanning odor. THC-drug free. Has a banana and fresh breezy floral fragrance.